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What a Father Is And the Truth We Owe Him

A father is not a title you are handed at the birth of a child. It is a role you keep showing up for, long after the announcement photos have stopped getting likes.

To father is to be present when presence costs you something. It is to provide not only money, but steadiness, a roof, a name a child can carry without flinching. It is to protect: to stand between your children and the world’s sharper edges and absorb the blow yourself. And it is to show because a child learns far more from what a father does than from anything he says. Presence, provision, protection, and example. Strip away the cards and the cologne, and that is the whole job.

To the fathers still here

To every father reading this who is still in the fight who got up early, came home tired, said sorry when he was wrong, kept his word when it would have been easier to break it , thank you. You are doing the most unglamorous, unrewarded work there is, and most of it no one will ever see. We see it. Happy Father’s Day.

To the fathers gone to rest

And to the fathers who have gone, the ones whose chairs are empty at the table today we honour you. Grief on a day like this is its own kind of love. If you are missing him today, you are not behind in your healing. You are simply remembering a man who mattered.

My own father

I think today of my own father.

He was a good father. He was a polygamous man, that was simply the shape of our family and my older siblings enjoyed the very best of him: his full strength, his prime years, his presence at the front of their lives. By the time the younger ones came, there was less of his life left to give. He died before he could pour into most of them the way he had poured into the older ones. That is a grief, but it is the grief of a life cut short, not the failure of a man who didn’t try.

And here is the legacy he left: a good name, and real accomplishment. Children who can speak his name with pride. A man does not have to be perfect, or even present for every season, to be good. He has to be true to the ones he was given the time to raise and he was. That is the truth I stand on, and it is a truth worth telling with my whole chest.

And it is because I know what a good father looks like that I have to say the next part out loud.

Stop rewarding the deadbeat

Let me be clear about who I mean, because this is where people get it wrong. I am not talking about the good father who has died. A man can be gone from this world and still have been fully present in it and that man we honour without hesitation. Death is not the failure. Absence is. I am talking about the deadbeat father: the one who abandoned the work itself, whether he is living today or long buried. Mortality does not erase neglect, and it does not earn applause.

Because there is a quiet lie we keep telling on social media every Father’s Day, and it’s time we stopped.

You know the posts. A child stands beside a man who was never there, who paid nothing, called rarely, showed up for the photo and disappeared before the meal and crowns him “the best dad in the world.” The comments fill with hearts. We reward the image of fatherhood while the work of it went undone for years.

I understand the instinct. We want our fathers to have been good. We paint things the way they are not because the truth is too heavy to carry in public. But every time we hand out applause that wasn’t earned, we tell every present, exhausted, faithful father that the standard is showing up for the picture — not showing up for the child.

Honour your father. Grieve him. Love him. But do not rewrite him. There is a difference between cherishing a man’s memory and lying about his life, and our children can tell the difference even when we pretend they can’t.

But there is still time

And here is the mercy in all of it.

If the deadbeat father in your life is still living, still absent, still on the wrong side of the line then this is not an obituary. It is an invitation. A deadbeat father is not a finished story. There is still time. Time to pick up the phone. Time to say the words. Time to become, in his last chapters, the man he wasn’t in the first ones.

Redemption is not owed to anyone. But it is available to everyone who is still breathing. A man who has wasted twenty years can still be present for the twenty-first. That door does not close until the heart stops. So if that is you or if that is someone you love today is not too late.

To all of you

So: happy Father’s Day.

To the biological fathers and the ones who chose the role without the blood. To the grandfathers, uncles, and mentors filling gaps they never made. And especially, especially to the women carrying both roles at once, mothering and fathering through circumstances they did not choose. You are doing the work of two people with the strength of one, and you do it without applause. Today, we see you too. You are not less because you are alone in it. You are more.

To every one of you holding the line for a child who is watching:

Happy Father’s Day.

— Folu

My Dad on his graduation day from Durham University

My legendary Dad!

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21st June 2026
The Dreams That Died, and the Son Who Was Worth More Than All of Them

Almost thirty years ago, I held a healthy baby boy in my arms and I started writing his life.

Not on paper. In my chest. The way every mother does in those first hours, when the weight of a newborn is still strange and the future feels like something you can simply decide. I named him Akintade. And in the quiet of that hospital room, I wrote the whole thing out.

I saw the first day of school, the too-big blazer, the gap-toothed grin, my hand letting go of his at the gate. I saw the report cards and the parents’ evenings where teachers would tell me he was bright, you know, really bright. I saw a graduation gown and a rolled-up certificate and a photograph I’d cry over. I saw a wedding. A woman who loved him. I saw him become a father, and I saw myself become the grandmother who spoils the grandchildren rotten and hands them back sticky and overtired.

I had it all written. Every chapter. I just didn’t know yet that I was writing about someone who didn’t exist.

The future I’d authored quietly died

Nobody tells you that the hardest grief of your life can arrive without a funeral.

There was no single moment. It was a slow erasure. A word that didn’t come when it should have. A milestone the other children passed and Akintade watched go by. A specialist’s careful sentence. Then another. Then the word that reorders your whole world: autism.

And here is the truth I’ll lead with, because it’s the one that took me years to understand:

What died was never my son. What died was the script I’d written before I knew him.

The school gate, the graduation, the wedding, the grandchildren — those were never his dreams. They were mine. I’d handed a newborn a stack of expectations he never asked to carry, and when life handed him back a different story, I mourned my version as if it were a person. For a long time, I let that grief sit in the same chair where my son should have been. I’m not proud of that. But I won’t pretend it didn’t happen, because some mother is reading this in that exact chair tonight.

What replaced the script

The chapters I’d imagined got replaced, but not by nothing. They got replaced by a different life, and I’ll be honest about how hard it was before I tell you how beautiful it became.

There were the hospitals. The specialist appointments stacked like dominoes. The therapists : speech, occupational, behavioural and the long drives to all of them. There was social care, and the forms, the accusations and the fighting for the forms. There were the IEP meetings where I sat across a table and learned to argue for my son’s right to exist fully in rooms that weren’t built for him.

And there was the silence. Akintade communicates without words. So I became his words. I learned to read a tilt of the head, a hand placed just so, the difference between I’m fine and get me out of here written in a language only love can decode. I became his voice in every room he couldn’t speak in for himself.

That is not the motherhood I drafted in the hospital. It is harder. It is, on some days, lonelier than I will put into a blog post.

But I need you to hear what I learned on the other side of the grief.

What I chose, once I stopped mourning a stranger

When I finally buried the script not my son, the script I got my son back. The real one. And the real one was never the tragedy. The tragedy was only ever in the comparison.

So I made some decisions, and they became the spine of my whole life:

I chose to embrace, not endure. Akintade is not a project to be fixed. He is a person to be known. The day I stopped trying to make him fit my old chapters and started reading the story he was actually telling, my entire experience of motherhood changed.

I doubled the hustle. Every venture I’ve built, every contract I’ve taken, every late night, a large part of it has a single name on it. I wanted to provide the best I could afford for my son, and “afford” is a moving target, so I kept moving.

I became his advocate, not just his mother. Being his voice in the IEP room wasn’t enough. I took it public. Because there are thousands of Akintades and thousands of mothers in that chair, and silence helps none of them.

And I started building a legacy that will outlive me. This is the part that matters most.

“Akintade was here”

Here is what I want, more than the graduation I never got and the wedding I’ll never plan.

I want the world to be different because my son lived in it.

I want a future where a mother in a hospital room, handed a diagnosis instead of a blazer, doesn’t feel her dreams die because the world will already understand that her child’s life is not a lesser version of someone else’s. I want “special humans” to stop being a phrase people whisper and start being a truth people honour.

Akintade may never speak a sentence. But he has already changed how I see human worth, how I measure a life, how I define a “successful” man. And through every platform I’ve been given, I’m working to make sure he changes that for far more people than the ones who’ll ever meet him.

So no, the dreams didn’t die. The wrong dreams did. The small ones. The borrowed ones.

What rose in their place is bigger: a man who, without a single word, is shifting the perception of an entire kind of human being. And one day, long after I’m gone, I want the record to be simple and undeniable.

A man called Akintade was here.

And he changed us.

If you’re the mother in the chair tonight, the one mourning a future you’d already written, I see you. Put the script down. Go and meet your actual child. He’s been waiting for you the whole time.

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21st June 2026
Know Your Worth

Learning to value yourself beyond titles, opinions, and limitations.

I did not always know my worth.

There were seasons in my life where I poured into everyone else while completely neglecting myself. I stayed too long in situations that drained me. I over-explained myself. I overworked. I overgave. I thought being “needed” meant being valued.

It took life, disappointment, motherhood, sacrifice, setbacks, and growth for me to finally understand something powerful:

Knowing your worth is not about thinking you are better than anyone else.

It is about finally recognising that you matter too.

As a mother, I have spent years putting others first. Like many parents, especially mothers, you become so focused on helping your children succeed, survive, and thrive that sometimes you forget yourself in the process. You carry pressure silently. You solve problems quietly. You sacrifice without expecting applause.

And somewhere along the way, you can begin to feel invisible.

But one thing life has taught me is this:
Never allow your sacrifices to make you forget your value.

There were moments where people underestimated me. Moments where doors closed. Moments where I questioned whether all my hard work would ever amount to anything. But when I look back now, I realise those difficult seasons were shaping me, not breaking me.

I think about my own journey often.

Starting a tuition centre years ago was never just about business for me. It came from love. From wanting the best for my children. From refusing to accept limitations placed on them by others. I remember being told what my youngest son may never achieve because of his diagnosis. I remember the fear, the uncertainty, and the exhaustion.

But I also remember refusing to let anyone else define his future.

Today, when I look at how far he has come, I am reminded that people will often place limits on you based on what they cannot see. That is why you must never allow the opinions of others to become your identity.

Sometimes knowing your worth means believing in possibilities before there is evidence.

It means continuing when nobody is clapping for you.

It means working late nights, carrying responsibilities, fighting silent battles, and still finding the strength to show up the next morning.

For a long time, I thought strength meant enduring everything quietly. Now I understand that real strength is also knowing when to rest, when to say no, when to walk away, and when to protect your peace.

Knowing your worth changes the way you move through life.

You stop begging for validation.

You stop shrinking yourself to make others comfortable.

You stop feeling guilty for wanting more for yourself and your family.

You stop apologising for ambition.

And perhaps most importantly, you stop doubting the value you bring into rooms, relationships, businesses, and people’s lives.

The truth is, many people are carrying greatness but are buried under years of self-doubt, rejection, or comparison.

Please hear this clearly:

Your worth is not determined by your salary, relationship status, mistakes, job title, followers, or how quickly success comes.

Your worth was there before any achievement — and it will remain even during difficult seasons.

There is something powerful that happens when you finally understand your value. You begin to carry yourself differently. Not with pride, but with quiet confidence.

You realise you no longer need to chase what is meant for you.

You realise peace is more valuable than proving yourself.

You realise that being authentic is far more powerful than trying to impress people.

And you realise that your journey, every painful, beautiful, stretching part of it has purpose.

So to anyone reading this who feels overlooked, tired, underestimated, or uncertain about their path:

Do not give up on yourself.

Do not reduce yourself to fit into spaces that cannot appreciate you.

Do not allow temporary struggles to make you forget permanent value.

You have survived too much to doubt yourself now.

Know your worth.
Not arrogantly.
Not loudly.
But deeply.

And from that place, continue building the life you deserve.

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17th May 2026
How Deep Is Your Love? The Unseen Reality of Raising an Autistic Child

The hardest part of raising an autistic child isn’t the diagnosis. It’s the way the world responds to it.This is not just a story about autism

They say a mother’s love has no boundaries.
I didn’t understand that fully until I met you.

From the very first day, you were wrapped in dreams.
I held you with a heart full of expectation first words, first steps, first everything. I imagined the life ahead of you in neat, familiar milestones. I imagined ease.

I imagined wrong.

Because love, I would soon learn, is not built in neat lines.
It is built in storms.

When the diagnosis came, love did not disappear.
It deepened.

But so did everything else.

The confusion.
The questions no one could answer.
The silent “why me?” that sat heavy in my chest.

I remember the nights the steepest nights.
The kind where sleep becomes a stranger and your thoughts grow louder than the world.
Listening. Watching. Worrying.
Wondering if I was doing enough… or if I would ever be enough.

And then there is the world outside.

A world that watches.

A world that stares.

A world that turns a moment of overwhelm into public spectacle.

You become the centre of attention not by choice but by circumstance.
Your child cries, shouts, struggles… and suddenly you are no longer a mother.
You are a performance.
An inconvenience.
A question mark.

Because autism does not always “look” like anything.

It is invisible until it isn’t.

And when it shows, it is judged.

People don’t see the hours of patience.
They don’t see the quiet victories.
They don’t see the language you’ve learned to speak without words.

They only see the moment.

And in that moment, they judge you.

They judge your parenting.
They judge your child.
They judge your love.

And sometimes… if I’m honest…
even I have questioned that love.

Not because it isn’t there but because it is so heavy.

Because loving you means carrying fear, exhaustion, doubt, and hope all at once.

Because loving you means showing up every single day, even when I feel like I have nothing left.

Because loving you means grieving the life I imagined while fiercely protecting the life you are living.

I am not just your mother.

I am a working mother.
Balancing expectations that don’t bend.
Walking into rooms where people smile politely but lower their expectations the moment they hear my story.

I have seen the looks.

The quiet assumptions.

The decisions made about me without me.

As if loving you somehow reduces my ability.
As if caring for you makes me less capable.
As if strength looks only one way.

But they don’t see what I carry.

They don’t see resilience.

They don’t see leadership forged in pressure.

They don’t see the kind of strength that is built in silence.

And then there’s you.

My son.

The way you look at the world with questions in your eyes.
Trying to understand rules no one explains.
Trying to make sense of a world that often feels too loud, too fast, too much.

I see you.

I see the effort behind every small thing.
I see the courage it takes just to exist in spaces that were not designed for you.

And in those moments, my heart breaks… and expands at the same time.

Because your mind—your beautiful, unique, powerful mind is not something to be fixed.

It is something to be understood.

Something to be protected.

Something to be celebrated.

And this is where love becomes something else entirely.

Not soft.
Not easy.
But fierce.

Unconditional.

A decision I make every single day.

To accept you fully.
To fight for you relentlessly.
To stand beside you, even when the world misunderstands you.

My love is not perfect.
It is questioned.
It is stretched.
It is tested.

But it is deep.

Deeper than expectation.
Deeper than fear.
Deeper than judgement.

So how deep is my love?

Deep enough to stay when it’s hard.
Deep enough to grow when it hurts.
Deep enough to choose you again and again and again.

Always.

For you, Akintade
My son with the most beautiful mind.

If you’ve ever judged a child in public…
pause.

You may not be seeing the full story.

And if you are a parent walking this path,
I see you.

Your love is deeper than the world understands.

If this resonated with you, share this story.

Or tell me: what has your experience been?

Let’s build a world that understands, not judges.

This story is part of a wider mission to build intelligent, inclusive support systems for neurodiverse children through NeuroHelp AI.

Folu is a working mother, Technical Lead, Architect & AI strategist, and founder of NeuroHelp AI, focused on building inclusive, intelligent support systems for neurodiverse children and families.

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8th April 2026
The “African Tax” No One Talks About, And Why It’s Breaking Us
4

There is a quiet pressure many Africans in the diaspora carry.

It doesn’t show up on payslips.
It isn’t written into law.
But it drains bank accounts, mental health, and in some cases… lives.

I call it the “African Tax.”

And it’s time we talked about it honestly.

What is the “African Tax”?

It’s the invisible second tax paid by people living abroad.

You pay your taxes in the UK ; income tax, council tax, national insurance.
Then you pay another “tax” back home:
- School fees for relatives
- Hospital bills for extended family
- House projects you may never live in
- Emergency requests from people you barely know
- “Support” that never seems to end
It’s not written anywhere.
But it’s expected.

And if you don’t comply?
You are labelled selfish. Forgetful. Ungrateful.

When Giving Stops Being Love

Let’s be clear , there is nothing wrong with helping.

In fact, many of us want to give.
It’s part of who we are. Our culture. Our values.

But somewhere along the line, giving became obligation.

And obligation became pressure.
And pressure became exhaustion.

You see it everywhere:
- People working double shifts
- People constantly stressed about money
- People sending money home while struggling to pay rent in London
- Families here being neglected while investments are built “back home”
Some are building houses in Nigeria…
while renting in the UK.

Some are funding extended families…
while their own children lack stability.

And in the worst cases?

People are literally working themselves to death — collapsing on trains, burning out quietly — with nothing to show for it.

The Hidden Cost No One Mentions

The African Tax doesn’t just affect your wallet.

It affects:

1. Your mental health
Constant financial pressure creates anxiety, guilt, and emotional fatigue.

2. Your immediate family
Children and partners here feel the absence financially and emotionally.

3. Your future
Savings, investments, home ownership all delayed or sacrificed.

4. Your identity
You become a provider… before you are a person.

Let’s Talk About the Hard Truth

If you live in the UK, you already carry one of the heaviest financial systems in the world.

But at least there is structure.
- You see roads maintained
- You have consistent electricity
- You have access to public services
- There is some level of accountability
Now compare that to what many face back home.

So what happens?

You become the system.

You become:
- The government
- The welfare system
- The emergency fund
- The backup plan for everyone
And that is not sustainable.

So What Should We Do Instead?

This is not about stopping generosity.

This is about restoring balance.

1. Take care of yourself first

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Your health, your peace, your stability — must come first.

2. Secure your immediate household

Your partner. Your children. Your home.

If they are not stable, nothing else matters.

3. Set boundaries (without guilt)

Not every request is your responsibility.

You are allowed to say:
- “I can’t help right now”
- “I’ll support within my means”
- “This is what I can afford — nothing more”
4. Stop performative wealth

Building mansions you don’t live in… while struggling abroad… is not success.

It’s pressure disguised as pride.

5. Give intentionally, not emotionally

Support should be planned — not reactive.

Create a giving budget, just like you would for bills.

A New Way Forward

We need to change the narrative.

Helping back home should not mean:
- Sacrificing your future
- Neglecting your health
- Abandoning your responsibilities where you live
You can love your people…
without losing yourself.

You can give…
without going broke.

You can support…
without suffering.

Final Thought

The goal is not to stop giving.

The goal is to stop bleeding.

Because a generation that is constantly drained…
cannot build wealth, stability, or legacy.

And that’s the real cost of the African Tax.

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19th March 2026
To the Mothers Who Shape the Future

A Mother’s Day Reflection

Every great story begins somewhere.

For most of us, it begins with a mother.

Not necessarily with grand speeches or dramatic moments, but with quiet sacrifices that shape who we become. A mother is often the first teacher, the first protector, and the first person who believes in us long before the world does.

Today, as we celebrate Mother’s Day, it is worth pausing to recognise something profound:

Mothers are not just raising children.
They are shaping the future of the world.

The Power of a Mother’s Influence

Long before classrooms, careers, or society begin to shape us, there is usually a mother who lays the foundation.

She teaches resilience without calling it that.
She teaches courage through her actions.
She teaches kindness through everyday examples.

Sometimes it happens in simple moments helping with homework, encouraging a dream, offering comfort during difficult days.

These moments may seem small at the time.

But they become the building blocks of confidence, character, and purpose.

A Special Tribute to Mothers of Children with Special Needs

Today, I want to offer a special tribute to mothers raising children with special needs.

Your journey often requires a level of strength, patience, and resilience that the world does not always see.

You become more than a mother.

You become an advocate.
A researcher.
A therapist.
A teacher.
A protector.
And often the strongest voice your child has.

You navigate healthcare systems, educational challenges, and social misunderstandings. You push for inclusion, dignity, and opportunity sometimes against enormous odds.

Yet you continue.

You continue to love fiercely.
You continue to believe deeply in your child’s potential.
You continue to build a world where your child can thrive.

Your courage does not just change your child’s life.

It helps change society’s understanding of inclusion, empathy, and human potential.

My Journey as a Mother

On this Mother’s Day, I also reflect on my own journey.

I am the proud mother of Akintade, my remarkable 29-year-old autistic son.

Being his mother has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. Through him, I have learned patience, resilience, advocacy, and the depth of unconditional love.

His journey has shaped my passion for autism advocacy and inclusive technology, and it continues to inspire my work and my voice.

Akintade has taught me that every individual regardless of challenges carries unique gifts and possibilities.

And like many mothers of neurodiverse children, I have learned that motherhood is not just about raising a child.

It is about championing a life.

A Tribute to My Own Mother

Mother’s Day also reminds me of my own mother, who passed away at the tender age of 39, when I was just 14 years old.

Losing her so young was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. At an age when I still needed her guidance and protection, life suddenly required me to grow up much sooner than I was ready for.

Yet the lessons she gave me during the short time we shared together stayed with me.

Her strength.
Her wisdom.
Her belief in hard work and perseverance.

Those seeds she planted in my childhood continued to guide me long after she was gone.

Today, as a mother myself, I understand even more deeply the sacrifices and love that mothers pour into their children. I carry her memory with gratitude, and I hope that through the life I live and the values I pass on, her legacy continues.

Though she left this world far too early, her influence remains a quiet but powerful force in my life.

Today, I honour her memory.

Celebrating Every Kind of Mother

Today is not just for one kind of motherhood.

It is for:

The mothers raising young children.
The mothers guiding teenagers through life’s challenges.
The mothers supporting adult children from afar.
The grandmothers whose wisdom spans generations.
The single mothers carrying extraordinary responsibilities.
And the women who nurture and mentor others even if they are not mothers by birth.

Motherhood is not only biological.

It is also a spirit of care, strength, and unconditional love.

A Thank You That Words Can Never Fully Express

So today, we pause to say something that perhaps should be said more often.

Thank you.

Thank you to the mothers who nurture dreams.
Thank you to the mothers who sacrifice quietly.
Thank you to the mothers who keep going even when the road is difficult.

And to the mothers of children with special needs — your strength, advocacy, and unwavering love are extraordinary.

Your resilience shapes families.
Your influence shapes generations.
And your love helps create a more compassionate world.

Happy Mother’s Day to every mother those who are with us today and those whose love continues to guide us from cherished memories.

Today, we celebrate you. 🌷

Take a moment today to celebrate and appreciate the mothers who shaped your life those who are with us today and those whose love continues to guide us from cherished memories.

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15th March 2026
Becoming Me: Enitiafilouwaso

Chapter 2 – The Meaning of My Name

Before I go any further in my story, I must first ask a question.

Did I ever tell you the meaning of my name?

My name is Enitiafioluwaso

Before I was born, my mother had a child who died. Losing a child is one of the deepest pains a mother can experience. When she became pregnant again and gave birth to me, my Dad looked at me and made a declaration.

He said:

“This one is Enitiafioluwaso.”

In other words:

“This child I place in the hands of God.”

My parent believed that God Himself would watch over me. That I would not die young. That even if they were not there, God would be my shield, my protection, and my strength.

Those words became my name.

And though I did not understand it at the time, those words would carry me through some of the hardest moments of my life.

Because very soon, the prayer my parent spoke over me would be tested.

Not long after my mother died, life changed dramatically for me.

At a very young age, I gained admission into the university. I was only fifteen years old, and by the time I began my studies, I was fifteen one of the youngest students not just in my class, but in the entire university.

For many people, going to university is an exciting new chapter.

For me, it was something else entirely.

My mother had just died during childbirth.

She had been my father’s fourth wife, and she was young, young enough to be my father’s daughter. When she passed away, she left behind four daughters.

I was the eldest.

After me came my sister, who was only a year and a half younger than I was. Then another sister three years younger, and the youngest of us all was only four years old when our mother died.

In that moment, my childhood ended.

Not officially.

But in reality.

While other young people my age were thinking about friends, classes, and university life, I was thinking about something much heavier.

Responsibility.

I was not just a student.

I had become a mother to three young girls, while still being a child myself.

Our father was already elderly, and much of the responsibility of holding things together fell on my shoulders. I had to grow up quickly. Life did not give me the luxury of taking things slowly.

Those years were incredibly difficult.

University was demanding on its own, but my situation meant that survival required creativity and determination. I could not simply focus on my studies and nothing else.

I had to find ways to survive.

So I began selling dresses at school because I believed deeply in hard work. My mother often repeated a Yoruba proverb: “Atelewo eni ki tan ni je,” meaning “your own hands will never deceive you.” She believed that the work of your own hands will always provide for you.

I bought clothes and sold them. I made different items to sell. I was always thinking about how to create something that could bring in a little money. In many ways, without even realising it, I was already becoming an entrepreneur.

Looking back now, I realise that those difficult years planted the seeds of the business mindset I would carry throughout my life.

Fortunately, I was not completely alone.

I was blessed with very good friends who supported me and helped where they could. Their kindness during those years made a difference in ways they may never fully understand.

At the same time, the insurance money my mother had left behind helped sustain us during that period. Without it, I do not know how we would have survived.

Even with that support, life remained very tough.

Originally, I had been admitted to study medicine. Becoming a doctor was the path I had chosen from a very young age, and I was determined to succeed. My father used to proudly tell everyone, “This one is the doctor of my house ,ó gbóná gan!” meaning that I was exceptionally bright and destined for great things. But medicine is one of the most demanding courses anyone can study, and the challenges of my personal life made the journey extremely difficult.

When I reached the stage known as the 2nd MB examination, the pressure became overwhelming.

I had to make a very painful decision.

I changed my course.

Although I did not complete medicine, I graduated with a science degree and continued to pursue knowledge. Over the years, I went on to obtain a law degree and several postgraduate degrees and professional certifications in the United Kingdom..

At the time, that decision of not completing medicine felt like a loss.

But life has a way of redirecting us toward the paths we are meant to walk.

And although I did not yet know it, the resilience I had built through those years, the responsibility, the struggles, the constant need to find solutions was shaping the woman I was becoming.

The young girl my mother had placed in the hands of God was beginning to discover her strength.

Looking back now, I realise that those difficult years were preparing me for the future in ways I could not yet understand.

The young girl who entered university at fifteen, carrying the responsibility of her sisters while trying to survive academically and emotionally, could never have imagined where life would eventually lead.

Despite the struggles, the setbacks, and the many moments when the path seemed uncertain, I kept moving forward.

In time and with God on my side, my three university degrees and several professional certifications opened doors and helped shape the life I once only dreamed about.

But the journey to get there was far from easy.

There were many struggles, many lessons, and many moments that tested my strength and faith. I will share those parts of my journey in the chapters that follow.

For today, however, I pause.

Today is a day of celebration.

It is my birthday.

A day to reflect on how far life has brought me, and a day to remember with gratitude the woman who first spoke my destiny into existence ,my remarkable mother and the father whose presence and strength also shaped my life in unforgettable ways.

Their love, their sacrifices, and their prayers remain part of the foundation on which my life was built.

And so today, I celebrate life, memory, and the journey of becoming me.

The story continues in the next chapter.

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12th March 2026
Becoming Me: Enitiafioluwaso

A Story of Faith, Loss, Strength, and Purpose

Chapter One

Where My Story Began

My story did not begin with struggle.

It began with abundance, laughter, and the rhythm of a large family living under one roof.

I was born in the 1960s into a vibrant Yoruba polygamous household. My father was a respected and affluent man in our community a man whose success meant that our home was always full of people, activity, and opportunity. In those days, wealth was not only measured by money, but by the size of your household, the respect you commanded, and the lives you were able to uplift.

By those standards, my father was truly blessed.

My mother was his fourth wife, and she was remarkably young and beautiful. In fact, she was almost the same age as my eldest sister (my half sister from the father’s first wife). That unusual dynamic never created distance in our home. Instead, it created a family full of energy, humour, and companionship.

We were a happy, well-rounded family.

There were always voices in the courtyard, meals shared together, stories told in the evening, and the comforting presence of siblings and relatives moving constantly through the house. I grew up surrounded by people who shaped my understanding of community, belonging, and resilience.

But even within that lively household, my mother saw something in me very early.

She recognised that I was different.

From a young age, she noticed my curiosity, my love for learning, and the way I seemed to grasp things quickly. I asked many questions sometimes too many but she never discouraged me. Instead, she nurtured it.

She often told people,

“This one… she is very clever.”

But what made our relationship special was not just her pride in my intelligence.

It was the trust she placed in me.

Even as a child, my mother would consult me about things happening in her life. She would ask my opinion about family matters, business decisions, and everyday situations. To others it may have seemed unusual for a mother to seek advice from her young daughter.

But to her, I was not just a child.

I was someone whose voice mattered.

Looking back now, I realise what a powerful gift that was. Without knowing it, she was building my confidence, teaching me that my thoughts had value, and planting the earliest seeds of leadership within me.

Those moments shaped me in ways I could not understand at the time.

They made me believe I could think, decide, and contribute.

They made me believe I mattered.

Our bond was deep and warm, the kind of connection that forms quietly through everyday conversations, shared laughter, and the feeling of being truly seen by someone who loves you.

But life has a way of changing everything without warning.

Just as my world was beginning to open up, tragedy arrived.

My mother died during childbirth.

She was only 39 years old.

I was still very young when it happened, standing at the edge of adulthood and preparing to enter University, a time when a girl needs her mother the most.

In a single moment, the person who had believed in me the most was gone.

Her absence created a silence that could not easily be filled.

The house that once felt warm with her presence suddenly felt different. Life continued as it always does but something essential had been lost.

Yet even in her absence, the lessons she planted inside me did not disappear.

Her belief in me remained.

Her voice remained.

Her confidence in my ability remained.

And though I could not yet see it clearly, those early seeds would one day shape the woman I would become.

Because sometimes the people who leave us too early still continue to guide our lives in ways we only understand many years later.

My journey, the journey of becoming me had only just begun.

Thank you for reading the first chapter of my story.
Chapter 2 will be published tomorrow as I continue the journey of becoming me.

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11th March 2026
The Quiet Strength of Women: A Reflection on International Women’s

Today, on International Women’s Day, I find myself reflecting on something that often goes unnoticed the quiet, relentless strength of women.

Across the world, women carry responsibilities that are rarely written in job descriptions or recognised in titles. From a young age, many girls are raised with an understanding that life will require resilience. In many cultures, especially within African communities, daughters often grow up learning not only to dream but also to care, to nurture, to support, and to hold families together.

A young boy may be encouraged to explore the world.

A young girl is often taught how to help hold it together.

She learns to cook before she learns to complain.
She learns to care before she learns to rest.
She learns that responsibility often comes before recognition.

And yet she grows.

She becomes a student, a professional, a leader.
But she also becomes something deeper the emotional backbone of families and communities.

Women build homes long before they build careers.
And then somehow, they manage to build both.

A woman may work a full day in an office, a hospital, a classroom, a business, or a boardroom. But when she returns home, her work does not end. She becomes the planner, the comforter, the organiser, the listener, the problem solver. She carries emotional labour that rarely appears on spreadsheets or performance reviews.

For many African women, this balancing act is not extraordinary, it is expected.

And yet when you step back and look closely, it is nothing short of remarkable.

Women raise children while building careers.
Women support families while pursuing their own dreams.
Women nurture generations while still finding the strength to lead.

Across the world we see women leading countries, running companies, building businesses, advancing science, shaping communities, and mentoring the next generation. But even in these powerful roles, many still carry the invisible responsibility of holding families together.

Perhaps this is why women sometimes appear almost supernatural.

How else can someone be a mother, a professional, a mentor, a caregiver, a strategist, and a leader, all in the same day?

And yet women do this every day.

As an African woman, a mother, a nurturer, and a professional, I recognise this journey deeply in my own life. Like many women, I have learned to navigate the complex intersection of family, responsibility, purpose, and ambition.

There are moments of exhaustion.

There are moments of doubt.

But there is also a deep sense of purpose in building both a home and a legacy.

For mothers raising children including those raising children with special needs the journey carries an even deeper layer of love and resilience. The patience, the advocacy, the sleepless nights, the quiet sacrifices, and the unwavering commitment to ensuring that every child has a chance to thrive.

That love is extraordinary.

And it deserves recognition.

Today I also think of the women who mother children that are not biologically their own: aunties, sisters, mentors, teachers, neighbours, women who step in to guide, nurture, and protect the next generation.

Their influence shapes lives in ways that cannot always be measured.

The truth is this:

Women do not only shape homes.

Women shape the world.

Through compassion.
Through resilience.
Through leadership.
Through love that refuses to give up.

So today, I pause to honour the countless women who are quietly carrying the weight of families, communities, and futures.

Women who are building businesses.
Women who are raising children.
Women who are leading organisations.
Women who are supporting others behind the scenes.
Women who are loving fiercely and giving endlessly.

To these extraordinary human beings these seemingly supernatural pillars of strength, I say thank you.

And today, I also take a moment to acknowledge myself, as one of many women walking this path with courage and determination.

To women everywhere, mothers, daughters, aunties, sisters, leaders, professionals, caregivers and teachers, thank you for the countless ways you hold our world together.

You are not only the backbone of families.

You are the heartbeat of humanity.

Happy International Women’s Day. 💜

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8th March 2026
Why a Man Should Never Have to Choose Between His Mother and His Wife
My mind often wanders to this topic, perhaps because I am a mother of three boys. Today, I couldn’t resist the urge to finally write about it.

The relationship between a man, his mother, and his wife is one of the most emotionally complex dynamics in family life. Within this triangle exist love, loyalty, sacrifice, identity, and sometimes unspoken expectations.

When handled with wisdom and mutual respect, it can create one of the strongest support systems a man could ever have. But when misunderstanding, competition, or insecurity enters the space, it can quickly lead to tension, division, and emotional distance.

Understanding this delicate balance is essential—not just for the man at the centre of it, but for the two women who love him most.

Understanding the sacrifices made by parents, the role of a spouse, and the importance of balance is key to maintaining healthy family relationships.

A Mother’s Sacrifice – foundation

A mother’s relationship with her son begins long before adulthood. It is often built through years—sometimes decades—of sacrifice.

Many mothers invest enormous emotional, physical, and financial energy into raising their sons. They wake up early for school runs, work extra hours to provide opportunities, and guide them through life’s earliest decisions.

For many men, their first model of care, protection, and unconditional support comes from their mother.

These sacrifices often include:
- Providing education and opportunities
- Emotional support through childhood and adolescence
- Protecting and guiding through difficult life stages
- Investing time, resources, and dreams into their child’s success
Because of this history, mothers sometimes struggle with the transition when their son marries. It can feel like their role is shrinking or being replaced.

But in reality, it is evolving.

The Wife’s Role: Building a New Family Unit

Marriage introduces a new central relationship in a man’s life.

A wife becomes a partner, confidant, and the person with whom he builds his future. She shares daily responsibilities, emotional burdens, and long-term dreams.

Her sacrifices may look different from a mother’s but are equally meaningful:
- Supporting her husband emotionally
- Helping build financial and family stability
- Raising children together
- Standing beside him during career and life challenges
A healthy marriage requires prioritisation and partnership.

However, prioritising a spouse should not mean erasing the value of parents who helped build the foundation of that man’s life.

The Risk of Imbalance

Problems arise when relationships become competitive instead of cooperative.

Some common sources of tension include:

1. Emotional competition

When a mother feels replaced or a wife feels second to a parent, resentment can grow.

2. Lack of boundaries

A man who cannot establish healthy boundaries may unintentionally create conflict between both women.

3. Loyalty conflicts

If a man appears to “choose sides,” the relationship triangle becomes unstable.

The goal is not choosing one over the other. The goal is balance.

Why Balance Matters

A balanced man maintains respect for both relationships.

This balance requires maturity and emotional intelligence.

It means:
- Honouring the sacrifices of parents
- Protecting and nurturing the marriage
- Ensuring both relationships operate with respect
When balance exists, the family structure becomes stronger.

When balance disappears, emotional fractures often follow.

When Family Support Strengthens Success

Parental support often plays a major role in the success of many men.

Brooklyn Beckham

4

Brooklyn Beckham grew up in one of the most famous families in the world. His father, David Beckham, and mother, Victoria Beckham, built an environment of opportunity and support around him.

From a young age, Brooklyn benefited from guidance, resources, and exposure that helped him explore different careers—from football to photography to business ventures.

However, public attention has also highlighted tensions between family dynamics after his marriage to Nicola Peltz. Media reports frequently speculated about strained relationships between his wife and parents.

I don’t know the full reality of those family dynamics because much of the discussion comes from media speculation. But the situation often becomes an example in public conversations about how marriage can shift family relationships.

The broader lesson is clear: when harmony between spouse and parents weakens, even strong family foundations can face strain.

Bukayo Saka

4

Bukayo Saka provides another powerful example of parental sacrifice shaping success.

His parents, immigrants who prioritised education and discipline, played a major role in supporting his development as both a person and a footballer. They reportedly prioritised stability, values, and humility while supporting his football journey.

When Saka signed one of the biggest contracts in Arsenal F.C. history, the spotlight often focused on his career and achievements.

Public moments often show him alongside his partner, but behind every major success story are years of unseen parental investment.

Parental sacrifice often becomes invisible once success arrives.

Why A Wife Who Respects Parents Is Powerful

When a wife respects and appreciates her husband’s parents, the entire family benefits.

Some advantages include:

Stronger family unity

Instead of competing relationships, the family becomes a supportive network.

Emotional stability for the husband

A man does not feel forced to divide his loyalties.

Better environment for future children

Children grow up seeing cooperation instead of conflict.

Preservation of family legacy

Values and traditions pass down more smoothly.

Why Mothers Also Need to Embrace the Wife

Balance also requires generosity from parents.

Mothers must recognise that their son is now building his own household.

Supporting the marriage can mean:
- Welcoming the wife into the family
- Avoiding control over the couple’s decisions
- Respecting the independence of the new family unit
A supportive mother can strengthen the marriage rather than compete with it.

The Man’s Responsibility

Ultimately, the man sits at the centre of this triangle.

His role is not passive.

He must:
- Maintain gratitude toward his parents
- Protect and prioritise his marriage
- Establish respectful boundaries
- Encourage cooperation rather than rivalry
A mature man understands that both relationships are valuable but different.

One gave him life.

The other helps him build the rest of it.

The Ideal Outcome: Cooperation, Not Competition

The healthiest families are those where mothers and wives see each other not as rivals but as allies.

Both women love the same person.

Both want his wellbeing.

When they work together rather than compete, the man gains the strongest support system possible.

Instead of being pulled in two directions, he stands supported on both sides.

And when that happens, the entire family thrives.

Love Should Multiply, Not Divide

A mother gives a man his roots.
A wife helps him grow his branches.

Both relationships represent love expressed in different forms. One nurtures a boy into adulthood; the other walks beside the man he becomes.

Conflict arises when love becomes territorial instead of collaborative. But when mothers and wives recognise that they are not rivals but partners in supporting the same person, the entire family benefits.

The most grounded men understand this clearly. They honour the sacrifices of their parents while protecting and nurturing their marriage. They do not abandon one relationship for another; instead, they create space for both to coexist with respect.

Equally, wisdom from both women is essential. A mother who welcomes her son’s partner strengthens the family she helped build. A wife who values the people who raised her husband honours the foundation of the man she loves.

When respect replaces competition, love expands rather than contracts. And in that balance, families become stronger across generations.

As a mother of three boys, this topic is not just theoretical for me , it is deeply personal.

Every time I think about the men my sons will grow into, I also think about the women who may one day share their lives. My hope is not that they will choose between the love of their parents and the love of their partners, but that they will learn how to honour both.

Because the strongest families are not built on competition for affection, but on respect, understanding, and the shared desire to see the people we love thrive.

If mothers and wives can recognise that they are not rivals but allies in supporting the same man, then the family becomes stronger than any single relationship within it.

And perhaps that is the balance we should all be striving for.

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5th March 2026